Have you ever reached the point of frustration where all you feel like doing is crying because you don’t know what to do with all your feelings? Is that just me?
I have been at that point for about two weeks. This pain in my lower legs just won’t go away. It has spread from my shins to now encompassing all of my lower leg muscles.
At first I thought it was because I was wearing heels too much. By too much, I mean I wore them to work two days in a row and then had some serious muscle soreness the next day on my run. I know, I know, what a rookie, right?
I thought the new shoes had fixed it, and yet here I am three weeks later with only a handful of runs that had no pain. The most frustrating part about this is that all the pain hits me at once. It’s not a slow build up of aches, it comes in full force like a fireball. Worse than that, is it hits a tenth of a mile in to my run. A. TENTH. OF. A. MILE friends! That’s not even a minute into my run.
In all of the frustration during my last run I have come to grips with the fact that what this brings up in me is fear. Fear of failure. Fear of being told that I won’t ever be able to hit this goal. Fear that I just put myself out there to all my friends saying I was going to do this, and then not following through. Fear that once again that little voice in my head telling me I’m not talented enough to do this, is right. It is a vicious cycle.
Fear is fickle. Fear is a liar. It usually comes up when something great is about to happen. I was afraid when I transferred to a new college, and that ended up being the best thing for me. I was afraid moving to Seattle, and there have been countless things that wouldn’t have happened if I would have listened to fear.
So, fear not friends. I am not setting up camp in the struggle. I am not going to give up. Fear is just false evidence appearing real. I have hit a roadblock, but I won’t let myself camp out with fear by my side; not in running, and not in life.
Hopefully my next post won’t be such a downer. In the mean time, run, sweat, and do something that will help you get closer to your goal.