I have been dreading and procrastinating writing this update.
Partly because I am so upset.
Partly because I am embarrassed.
Partly because I do not want it to be reality.
All this is to say my dream of running a marathon is not completely dead, but is paused. The pain in my legs is not going away. It is not shin splints, and I might go crazy if one more person asks me or tells me that is the pain I am feeling. I have tried everything from compression socks, foam rolling, stretching, and building up muscle in my calves and shins. None of these things are helping.
It is going to be almost two months before I can get into the doctor to see if they can figure out what is going on. I am still hoping for it to magically just go away. Even if it would vanish and I could run today, I am 10 weeks out before my scheduled marathon. It would not be realistic for me to think I could get myself ready in time when I have not been able to run in 5 weeks.
I am embarrassed because I put my goal out there for everyone to know and now I cannot complete it when I want to. I was so sure this year was going to be the year I was going to make this goal a reality. It still could be this year but at a different time, however this does not take away the feeling of self-consciousness that everyone now knows I could not complete the original goal.
Many people have told me not to feel this way because the reasons are out of my control. I understand this, but it does not help the way I feel.
I do not like feeling out of control. Right now that is exactly how I feel.
The last 5 weeks have been killing me slowly. Running is my stress reliever. It is also my time to dream and get my creative mind going. I love a multitude of workouts, but running is the only way I can really let go of the stress and take a mental time out. I’m sure many other runners out there would agree.
I apologize to anyone who has had to deal with my crabby mood, crying, or venting through the last few weeks. Thank you to my husband who has helped me try to keep a positive attitude through it all and who has been doing other kinds of workouts with me.
This is not the end of my marathon journey, just a pit stop on the way. I promise to keep you updated on what happens