Fear is the worst.
Worst of the worst.
Ugh. Heart pumpin, hands shakin, mind racin.
I’m cringing just thinking about it. . .but if I am going to be honest with myself fear has been frequently running in my my mind the past few weeks.
My old car bit the dust, so Phillip and I made the decision to buy a new car. This was the most nerve wracking purchase I personally have ever made. I signed so much paperwork that I felt as if I was actually signing away my soul. As before any large purchase we went over our budget multiple times. More times than necessary really, and knew that we were totally fine to make this purchase. With no fear I signed the paperwork and went home that night with a Ford Escape that I am in love with, named Garrett. (Yes, I name my cars.) A few days later all these fearful thoughts entered my brain. All this anxiety that something would happen and we wouldn’t be able to afford anything anymore.
I am sure I do not need to spell out all these thoughts for you, but it was like my brain was running around saying, “But the sky might fall! The sky might fall!”
Anxiety. It is the greatest… or the worst.
I picked that example, but it is not the only one. I have taken a break from writing because I am too afraid of what people might think, that they will not like it, that people will say, “She will never succeed in the writing world” or even worse, “She tries too hard to put herself out there.”
Not only writing, but things that have to do with my job. I would love to do certain events with my youth group, but I let fear and anxiety creep in and shut it down.
What if no one shows up?
What if no one relates to the topic I want to cover?
Other people have done it better so you might as well just give it up now.
This morning in our Wednesday Morning Women’s Bible study we had a devotion that kind of smacked me in the face. Actually one line of the devotion did the smacking. In this devotion there was a line that said, “Do it afraid.”
Do. It. Afraid.
Well fine. I am here today to call myself out. I am going to do it, even if it is scary. I love writing. It makes me happy. Will I ever go anywhere with it? Who knows. The thing I do know is that I am not going to let fear stop me from writing anymore. This is the first time in weeks that I have not doubted what I am writing.
Do it! Even if whatever you want to do makes you scared. It is only scary for a while. I remember the first time I did a children’s message at the church I work at and I was TERRIFIED. Okay… let’s be honest, for about the first year I would pace my office in the morning going over the message a hundred times and then I would pace outside the sanctuary until it was my time to go up. My hands would be shaking and my heart would race the entire time I was giving the message. Now, I do not have that fear anymore. Do I like doing them? Not every time…mostly because I do not think it is a gift of mine, but hey, with more practice who knows. That is not the point. The point is, as I have done more and more of them I have come to fear them less.
I think the more I write the more confident I will become in it. For right now it is still a bit scary to put my writing out there, but I am going to do it anyway!
So thank you if you are still reading, but now I want you to go do something you are afraid of!